Comeback

10th, 11th & 12th April 2009
ASEAN Cup Swimming meet took place in Singapore Sports School. Individual events : 100m free and 50m fly. Relays: both 4x100m medley (free leg) and 4x100m free relay

Friday:

I was having my individual events 100m free and 50m fly then on the 10th. It wasn't a great one though as i was rather disappointed with myself for not being at my peak, in order to do a Personal Best time.

Saturday:

I was having relay as the only event that i'm having for the whole competition on this day, 4x100m medley relay. It was rather an unlucky day for me. The story goes this way. There is 2 session in each day of the competition and the relays are the last events of each days of Saturday and Sunday. So I reached the Venue at SSS, started my warm up by swimming laps and practising a few starts then followed by resting by my bag or to watch the competition as time passes by. It was 100m fly events right after the interval and so i waited patiently for my relay. I waited and waited and finally the time came.

But, I continued to wait, hearing from people around me saying that there were some technical faulty/difficulty while preparing for the relay. So i waited for the officials to fix it. But after 1hr+, with my 1.5L H-TWO-O and a MARS bar finished, they announced that the relay event will be postponed to the next day, after the 4x100m free relay. I was sort-of depressed. Because i've wasted time there, just to rush down to SSS to warm up and to stone the whole day. I was even looking forward to do a whole new PB time in medley relay for 100m free then followed by the next day with a fresh start, another try for a PB in 4x100m free relay. Then it ended up with 2 events in the same day which i think it's rather hard to set new times consecutively one after the other event in the same day.

Sunday:

Rather a sucky day as it went per normal. i didn't do well for the 100m in 4x100m free relay, but the medley relay result is much better by 1 sec. But it is still quite a pathetic timing as compared to the average timing of what others have at my age.

Later on, we had the farewell dinner for the foreign swimmers who came from other parts of SEA. It was rather fun and i think i enjoyed being with the kids around me at my table. Being with kids really bring joy and fun. I joked with them quite a lot as compared than usual.

There are some real fun time that we had during the farewell dinner. Such as Andrew drinking the disgustingly mixed "Prawn-head chicken soup" whereby the soup itself already smelled funny (maybe it didn't suit my taste),

My table being the messist table as though a war had just engaged and it looks like the aftermath,

My club, The Grassroot Aquatic Club, was encouraged to exchange gifts/"souvenirs" with other clubs from local or foreign, but we were given badges that we, the swimmers, didn't had high hopes in exchanging the badge with some other things like track suit, shirt, or towel or maybe even a puny pen or another different badge. What's funny is that one of the Brunei Junior swimmer came to my table and asked whether we would want to exchange anything. But all we have is a stupid bunch of badges given to each of the TGAC swimmers.

So i offered to exchange 1 badge with this boy wondering what he might offered. But he had a moment to examined what badge am i having but it turns out that he already exchanged with someone with a pen for this badge. But seeing that he had a shirt in his right hand but it was too late to ask him whether i can have that as he had walked off fast to eye on other clubs. I gave the idea to my juniors that since 1 badge = 1 pen, why don't 10 badges = that shirt he's holding? Then my juniors were laughing at the comparison and all sounds like exchanging for prizes with tokens in a Arcade.

The final joke of the day was that supposedly each of the clubs were suppose to perform up on stage for performance, as part of the programme of the dinner. Unfortunately, for these 3 days of competition and even before this meet, we weren't even informed that we are supposed to perform something on the last day. But all spells no wonder there were swimmers reharsing dance in the intervals of the meets in those 3 days. So we had trouble and we actually... ... ... panic. So I gave another idea again, but this time to all the swimmers in TGAC, that we are rushing to the exit at the back once they called our club's name to go up on stage. Majority agreed to it and we waited, trying to chill. So what happens in the end is that the Juniors all rushed for the exit, leaving the senior swimmers infront to stay in their seats after the MC called us. So as the seniors continued to stone in their seats wondering around and dragging time, the MC had no choice but call the other upcoming club to perform instead.

Looking ahead

I was seeking for help for months. From my club-mates to coaches and friends. Time-to-time, seeking for self-improvement. But it was too late for ASEAN cup but it was never too late for future competition. What makes me wanting to carry on striving is that i can't stand seeing my juniors starting to become so much better than me or the ones who are same age but joined swimming later than me to improve so much.

What fears me is only the limited amount of years left for me to be able to swim/train to reach the ultimate goal, at least to qualify for Olympics finals, at the very least, to be the 8th of the finals or being the best, a record-holder. After reflecting on what will happen in the following years is that most likely i'll enter NS in 2011, leaving NS at 2013. Then it's either i continue with University or work right away ( major problem is the money needed to fund my studies ). But hearing advices and consoles for my panics that most swimmers are having peak at the age of 20+. So i was thinking to train hard for this year, 2009, and followed by 2010, 2011, 2013 and so on. By 2013 i'm already 22. By then i've gotta put in alot more effort so as to reach at least nearing or already-world class, but not forgetting the younger aged ones who are catching up and in competition with me.

Furthermore, thinking about personal future in terms of lifelong planning. I hope to be able to be engaged by 20+ too, which makes alot problems. Because it means that i have to work already after NS. But it all seems so messed up that i do not know what to do. That's why i hated Singapore. Wasting 2 precious years in NS, which makes Singaporean guys a big headache and problem in achieving their ultimate goal. I wonder how am i gonna survive this way. I'm not quitting Swimming as long i make it to world standard. One thing for sure, Lifesaving will be a lifetime and i'm not letting go of it even when i start working.

Memories Haunts me on 21.03.2009 and 4eva more

It's been a long time since i've last posted any thing on this blog. I didn't really make a habit to do so though.. But i just feel like pouring out my feelings whenever i feel like it, doing so on a blog. It feels much better and easier than talking and speaking to my friend directly.. it feels awkward, my imagination may start swirling, i'll be talking crap and i may sound naive in certain ways..

It's been holiday for like nearing 2 months (or maybe more or less, didn't make the effort to calculate), I've been staying at home, doing nothing much, just computer-ing, gaming, waiting for time to pass by till it's time to set off from home for my swimming training. The location of my training has been changed from Toa Payoh to Yio Chu Kang, which is much nearer to my home, but i still somewhat dislike the pool even though i "visit" YCK pool weekly for still-water trainings. Whenever i swim backstroke, my eyes are always directly blinded by the Sun, which distracts me from swimming properly and unable to focus.

Other than Swimming, gaming and staying at home, there's been Lifesaving trainings (Open water (which means out in the sea)), in Sentosa. It's rather enjoyable during every single training. And it is only till today.. which i doesn't feel the same as what i do normally.. (I'll talk about this later.)

Everyday, staying at home, hoping that my lifeguard application job in Safra Yishun to be approved, even till today. But i'm given assurance that i'll be chosen for the job (not surprising.. they are always lacking manpower for the job)

I have no idea whether to dread going to school or should i be looking forward to it. I love going to school is that i'll be making more new friends and meeting up with my new schoolmate who was once my classmate back in secondary school and also my Swim teammate (he's gonna be my junior). Once the new semester start, i'll have more things to do and the project named Professional Profiling will be needed to be done within the year. I've heard that it has alot of difficulty and face-to-face interview might be needed, which i've no experience at all with anyone.

Alright back to the Sentosa thingy, which i've promised to resume.

I used to enjoy my time, the whole spending in Sentosa this year for the trainings.. plyaing with the rescue surfboard, with or without the usage of paddles. Out in the sea, sailing through and challenging the waves, sitting by the shore and enjoying the weather. But today, it was rather tiring. I've gotta get up so early and meet at the Harbourfront station to wait for my coach who promised to meet at 8.30am by the control station. But what turns out to be a whole big group of people are waiting for him just for today's training. But some are just present to get a feel of doing lifesaving surfboarding at sentosa while some are my new juniors for the competition squad. Then the first thing that came to my mind is that,"I'M SO DEAD". There's too many people to coach and aid along.

I was told in private the other day that my previously-was-crush (i don't have any now. Single.)is gonna be present. But it was expected that she will be making it down with her new boyfriend. But on the way with these newbies to the Sentosa station and to the Beach, many thoughts are running through me..

The thought of her, wasn't something controllable. I'm lost at the same time of what to do.. I've forgetting her after several months of effort and now the memories started haunting me again like there's no tomorrow.

I felt joy, depressed, lost, tactless, anger with myself, and at the very least, jealous and envy. I dunno why but these feelings just came to me. Joy for the past memories i had, depressed with what i am now but it doesn't matter though.. lost for what should i be doing today and what should I DO if i see her or if she talks to me, tactless for what i've done in the past causing anger to myself now and the jealous and envy is towards her new boyfriend, but of course, i'm starting to like being "nvm-and-it's-okay"... I can't really help it though.

During the earlier part of training, while doing the land trainings, she arrived with her boyfriend, along with our another friend. The 3 of them stayed at the lifeguard tower, preparing themselves up. While i'm leading the team, i caught sight of her. I really felt like how i dread and looking forward to school. I dread her from coming back, and memories haunting me once again, and also wishing her to return so that i could see her once again. I just seriously find myself useless for being so tactless and helpless. Since she's only in a relationship, why don't just win back her heart? But i've really no idea how to do so and I'm already trying effort to forget about her and my priorities are just firstly swimming and secondly, studies.

There was a short moment while nearing the end of the training, i sat by myself while taking a rest and thinking to myself, and also trying to clear my mind. Just then, KL came to me, he's always been my best buddy. I've also expected him to come over to gonna talk to me about it cos he's been trying to console me at times online in MSN. Talking halfway through about some minor stuffs, she came infront of us and started to talk to us. To my surprise, i was wondering why the sudden approach? Then i just replied normally and talked to her. But it all turns out to be nothing but a foolproof plan to distract and trick KL to mess up in a bunch of seaweeds. *heart drops to rock-bottom*

While going back to harbourfront station, while i lead the "newbies" once again to go back to station to return home sweet home, and while she accompanies her boyfriend out to continue touring around or dating, so we bade goodbye. She once again gave the sweet smile like she gave in the morning, that was unforgettable like what i've remembered before that came with the set of beautiful eyes when i first met her and talk to her while looking into her eyes for the first time, being able to look into someone's eyes while talking for quite a period of time. Even while going back home, i tried distacting myself and forgetting the thought of her by talking lots to my juniors. Sorry to them all for hearing so many craps that i've said and causing to ache so much in tummy while laughing.

But it still seems that she couldn't really accept me still and yet, as she's not gonna add me back on MSN and on facebook. She too didn't reply me on sms or answer my phone in rare occasions whenever i call her. Too bad she's not using friendster anymore.

I just hope that my mind will enlighten someday to the world out there, and also being able to have a miracle-gifted time for me to talk to her, without any displeasure for me to experience while trying to talk to her and make up everything for what i've did.






And it is true that no one really cares to console me or being by my side whenever i need someone most like situation like this. Especially those who knew my situation with her but not showing concern except KL and Isaac.

Great to have them both always.