It's been a long time since i've last posted any thing on this blog. I didn't really make a habit to do so though.. But i just feel like pouring out my feelings whenever i feel like it, doing so on a blog. It feels much better and easier than talking and speaking to my friend directly.. it feels awkward, my imagination may start swirling, i'll be talking crap and i may sound naive in certain ways..
It's been holiday for like nearing 2 months (or maybe more or less, didn't make the effort to calculate), I've been staying at home, doing nothing much, just computer-ing, gaming, waiting for time to pass by till it's time to set off from home for my swimming training. The location of my training has been changed from Toa Payoh to Yio Chu Kang, which is much nearer to my home, but i still somewhat dislike the pool even though i "visit" YCK pool weekly for still-water trainings. Whenever i swim backstroke, my eyes are always directly blinded by the Sun, which distracts me from swimming properly and unable to focus.
Other than Swimming, gaming and staying at home, there's been Lifesaving trainings (Open water (which means out in the sea)), in Sentosa. It's rather enjoyable during every single training. And it is only till today.. which i doesn't feel the same as what i do normally.. (I'll talk about this later.)
Everyday, staying at home, hoping that my lifeguard application job in Safra Yishun to be approved, even till today. But i'm given assurance that i'll be chosen for the job (not surprising.. they are always lacking manpower for the job)
I have no idea whether to dread going to school or should i be looking forward to it. I love going to school is that i'll be making more new friends and meeting up with my new schoolmate who was once my classmate back in secondary school and also my Swim teammate (he's gonna be my junior). Once the new semester start, i'll have more things to do and the project named Professional Profiling will be needed to be done within the year. I've heard that it has alot of difficulty and face-to-face interview might be needed, which i've no experience at all with anyone.
Alright back to the Sentosa thingy, which i've promised to resume.
I used to enjoy my time, the whole spending in Sentosa this year for the trainings.. plyaing with the rescue surfboard, with or without the usage of paddles. Out in the sea, sailing through and challenging the waves, sitting by the shore and enjoying the weather. But today, it was rather tiring. I've gotta get up so early and meet at the Harbourfront station to wait for my coach who promised to meet at 8.30am by the control station. But what turns out to be a whole big group of people are waiting for him just for today's training. But some are just present to get a feel of doing lifesaving surfboarding at sentosa while some are my new juniors for the competition squad. Then the first thing that came to my mind is that,"I'M SO DEAD". There's too many people to coach and aid along.
I was told in private the other day that my previously-was-crush (i don't have any now. Single.)is gonna be present. But it was expected that she will be making it down with her new boyfriend. But on the way with these newbies to the Sentosa station and to the Beach, many thoughts are running through me..
The thought of her, wasn't something controllable. I'm lost at the same time of what to do.. I've forgetting her after several months of effort and now the memories started haunting me again like there's no tomorrow.
I felt joy, depressed, lost, tactless, anger with myself, and at the very least, jealous and envy. I dunno why but these feelings just came to me. Joy for the past memories i had, depressed with what i am now but it doesn't matter though.. lost for what should i be doing today and what should I DO if i see her or if she talks to me, tactless for what i've done in the past causing anger to myself now and the jealous and envy is towards her new boyfriend, but of course, i'm starting to like being "nvm-and-it's-okay"... I can't really help it though.
During the earlier part of training, while doing the land trainings, she arrived with her boyfriend, along with our another friend. The 3 of them stayed at the lifeguard tower, preparing themselves up. While i'm leading the team, i caught sight of her. I really felt like how i dread and looking forward to school. I dread her from coming back, and memories haunting me once again, and also wishing her to return so that i could see her once again. I just seriously find myself useless for being so tactless and helpless. Since she's only in a relationship, why don't just win back her heart? But i've really no idea how to do so and I'm already trying effort to forget about her and my priorities are just firstly swimming and secondly, studies.
There was a short moment while nearing the end of the training, i sat by myself while taking a rest and thinking to myself, and also trying to clear my mind. Just then, KL came to me, he's always been my best buddy. I've also expected him to come over to gonna talk to me about it cos he's been trying to console me at times online in MSN. Talking halfway through about some minor stuffs, she came infront of us and started to talk to us. To my surprise, i was wondering why the sudden approach? Then i just replied normally and talked to her. But it all turns out to be nothing but a foolproof plan to distract and trick KL to mess up in a bunch of seaweeds. *heart drops to rock-bottom*
While going back to harbourfront station, while i lead the "newbies" once again to go back to station to return home sweet home, and while she accompanies her boyfriend out to continue touring around or dating, so we bade goodbye. She once again gave the sweet smile like she gave in the morning, that was unforgettable like what i've remembered before that came with the set of beautiful eyes when i first met her and talk to her while looking into her eyes for the first time, being able to look into someone's eyes while talking for quite a period of time. Even while going back home, i tried distacting myself and forgetting the thought of her by talking lots to my juniors. Sorry to them all for hearing so many craps that i've said and causing to ache so much in tummy while laughing.
But it still seems that she couldn't really accept me still and yet, as she's not gonna add me back on MSN and on facebook. She too didn't reply me on sms or answer my phone in rare occasions whenever i call her. Too bad she's not using friendster anymore.
I just hope that my mind will enlighten someday to the world out there, and also being able to have a miracle-gifted time for me to talk to her, without any displeasure for me to experience while trying to talk to her and make up everything for what i've did.
And it is true that no one really cares to console me or being by my side whenever i need someone most like situation like this. Especially those who knew my situation with her but not showing concern except KL and Isaac.
Great to have them both always.
It's been holiday for like nearing 2 months (or maybe more or less, didn't make the effort to calculate), I've been staying at home, doing nothing much, just computer-ing, gaming, waiting for time to pass by till it's time to set off from home for my swimming training. The location of my training has been changed from Toa Payoh to Yio Chu Kang, which is much nearer to my home, but i still somewhat dislike the pool even though i "visit" YCK pool weekly for still-water trainings. Whenever i swim backstroke, my eyes are always directly blinded by the Sun, which distracts me from swimming properly and unable to focus.
Other than Swimming, gaming and staying at home, there's been Lifesaving trainings (Open water (which means out in the sea)), in Sentosa. It's rather enjoyable during every single training. And it is only till today.. which i doesn't feel the same as what i do normally.. (I'll talk about this later.)
Everyday, staying at home, hoping that my lifeguard application job in Safra Yishun to be approved, even till today. But i'm given assurance that i'll be chosen for the job (not surprising.. they are always lacking manpower for the job)
I have no idea whether to dread going to school or should i be looking forward to it. I love going to school is that i'll be making more new friends and meeting up with my new schoolmate who was once my classmate back in secondary school and also my Swim teammate (he's gonna be my junior). Once the new semester start, i'll have more things to do and the project named Professional Profiling will be needed to be done within the year. I've heard that it has alot of difficulty and face-to-face interview might be needed, which i've no experience at all with anyone.
Alright back to the Sentosa thingy, which i've promised to resume.
I used to enjoy my time, the whole spending in Sentosa this year for the trainings.. plyaing with the rescue surfboard, with or without the usage of paddles. Out in the sea, sailing through and challenging the waves, sitting by the shore and enjoying the weather. But today, it was rather tiring. I've gotta get up so early and meet at the Harbourfront station to wait for my coach who promised to meet at 8.30am by the control station. But what turns out to be a whole big group of people are waiting for him just for today's training. But some are just present to get a feel of doing lifesaving surfboarding at sentosa while some are my new juniors for the competition squad. Then the first thing that came to my mind is that,"I'M SO DEAD". There's too many people to coach and aid along.
I was told in private the other day that my previously-was-crush (i don't have any now. Single.)is gonna be present. But it was expected that she will be making it down with her new boyfriend. But on the way with these newbies to the Sentosa station and to the Beach, many thoughts are running through me..
The thought of her, wasn't something controllable. I'm lost at the same time of what to do.. I've forgetting her after several months of effort and now the memories started haunting me again like there's no tomorrow.
I felt joy, depressed, lost, tactless, anger with myself, and at the very least, jealous and envy. I dunno why but these feelings just came to me. Joy for the past memories i had, depressed with what i am now but it doesn't matter though.. lost for what should i be doing today and what should I DO if i see her or if she talks to me, tactless for what i've done in the past causing anger to myself now and the jealous and envy is towards her new boyfriend, but of course, i'm starting to like being "nvm-and-it's-okay"... I can't really help it though.
During the earlier part of training, while doing the land trainings, she arrived with her boyfriend, along with our another friend. The 3 of them stayed at the lifeguard tower, preparing themselves up. While i'm leading the team, i caught sight of her. I really felt like how i dread and looking forward to school. I dread her from coming back, and memories haunting me once again, and also wishing her to return so that i could see her once again. I just seriously find myself useless for being so tactless and helpless. Since she's only in a relationship, why don't just win back her heart? But i've really no idea how to do so and I'm already trying effort to forget about her and my priorities are just firstly swimming and secondly, studies.
There was a short moment while nearing the end of the training, i sat by myself while taking a rest and thinking to myself, and also trying to clear my mind. Just then, KL came to me, he's always been my best buddy. I've also expected him to come over to gonna talk to me about it cos he's been trying to console me at times online in MSN. Talking halfway through about some minor stuffs, she came infront of us and started to talk to us. To my surprise, i was wondering why the sudden approach? Then i just replied normally and talked to her. But it all turns out to be nothing but a foolproof plan to distract and trick KL to mess up in a bunch of seaweeds. *heart drops to rock-bottom*
While going back to harbourfront station, while i lead the "newbies" once again to go back to station to return home sweet home, and while she accompanies her boyfriend out to continue touring around or dating, so we bade goodbye. She once again gave the sweet smile like she gave in the morning, that was unforgettable like what i've remembered before that came with the set of beautiful eyes when i first met her and talk to her while looking into her eyes for the first time, being able to look into someone's eyes while talking for quite a period of time. Even while going back home, i tried distacting myself and forgetting the thought of her by talking lots to my juniors. Sorry to them all for hearing so many craps that i've said and causing to ache so much in tummy while laughing.
But it still seems that she couldn't really accept me still and yet, as she's not gonna add me back on MSN and on facebook. She too didn't reply me on sms or answer my phone in rare occasions whenever i call her. Too bad she's not using friendster anymore.
I just hope that my mind will enlighten someday to the world out there, and also being able to have a miracle-gifted time for me to talk to her, without any displeasure for me to experience while trying to talk to her and make up everything for what i've did.
And it is true that no one really cares to console me or being by my side whenever i need someone most like situation like this. Especially those who knew my situation with her but not showing concern except KL and Isaac.
Great to have them both always.
